If you have the good fortune to have a girlfriend or wife or significant other, or think you may ever someday be lucky enough to be in that situation, you need to know about the “chair”.

Being with a lady, the time will eventually come where she will invite you to go shopping with her. You will ask her what she is shopping for. She will give you a look like you have two heads and will mumble something about a skirt or blouse or something. Listen up; women don’t shop for something. For them shopping is the end in itself. If you had known that, you would have used whatever excuse you could to avoid “going shopping”.

Well, you didn’t know, and you said “yes”, and now you are in a department store, You are in the ladies department. The nice young clerk has escorted you to “the comfortable chair”. You sit down. You will be there for hours.

You must never, never, never ever sit in the chair. Once you are in the “chair” you are at the mercy of the clerk and your shopper. Side note, if she gets a skirt, she will need a blouse, and a belt, and shoes, and purse, and jewelry, etc. You’ll wish you had packed a lunch and brought an iPod so you could watch a movie. But you didn’t, and so you will sit, and sit, and sit. What to say when she asks what you think of an article of clothing will be another blog. For now, pretend you are choking and wave her back to the changing room.

How do you avoid the chair?

First of all, you really don’t have a choice about going shopping with your significant other unless you want to end your relationship. So, what to do?

Listen carefully.

The first thing you must do is get the lady to say what she is shopping for. This will be very important later. Next you want to know what size she needs. (Don’t ever act surprised about the size or ask her to repeat it unless you want the silent treatment or you’re willing to try and answer the question: “Just what did you mean by that”?)

So, you now know what she is looking for and the size. When she has found an item that she likes, you suggest she try it on in the changing room. She will look lovingly at you for being such a helpmate. As soon as she disappears onto the changing room, you head for the clothes racks which contain the item she was looking for. Once there, you pick three items from the rack in her size and proceed to the changing room. As soon as she comes out, give her your three items to try on. Continue this process until she gets tired. Then,being a supportive help mate, you suggest you get some lunch and head for the nearest sports bar.

You have been a good helpmate, avoided the chair, enjoyed lunch and a drink in a sports bar and can get home in time to catch a sporting event. Congratulations!