THE CHAIR

First Mistake

If you have the good fortune to have a girlfriend or wife or significant other, or think you may ever someday be lucky enough to be in that situation, you need to know about the “chair”.

Being with a lady, the time will eventually come where she will invite you to go shopping with her.  You will ask her what she is shopping for.  She will give you a look like you have two heads and will mumble something about a skirt or blouse or something.  Listen up; women don’t shop for something.  For them shopping is the end in itself.  If you had known that, you would have used whatever excuse you could to avoid “going shopping”.

Second Mistake

Well, you didn’t know, and you said “yes”, and now you are in a department store,  You are in the ladies department.  The nice young clerk has escorted you to “the comfortable chair”.  You sit down.  You will be there for hours.

You must never, never, never ever sit in the chair.  Once you are in the “chair” you are at the mercy of the clerk and your shopper.  Side note, if she gets a skirt, she will need a blouse, and a belt, and shoes, and purse, and jewelry, etc.  You’ll wish you had packed a lunch and brought an iPad so you could watch a movie.  But you didn’t, and so you will sit, and sit, and sit.  What to say when she asks what you think of an article of clothing will be another blog.  For now, pretend you are choking and wave her back to the changing room.

Avoiding the Chair

First of all, you really don’t have a choice about going shopping with your significant  other unless you want to end your relationship.  So, what to do?

The first thing you must is avoid the chair.  Why she wants to know.  You want to help you say.  Ask you your lady what she is shopping for specifically.  This will be very important later.  

Next you want to know what size she needs.  (Don’t ever act surprised about the size or ask her to repeat it unless you want the silent treatment or you’re willing to try and answer the question: “Just what did you mean by that”?)

So, you now know what item she is looking for and the size.  When she has found an item that she likes, you suggest she try it on in the changing room.  She will look lovingly at you for being such a helpmate.  As soon as she disappears into the changing room, you head for the clothes racks which contain the item she was looking for.  Once there, you pick three items from the rack in her size and proceed to the changing room.  As soon as she comes out of the changing room tell her how nice the garment looks on her and, announce that you have found similar items which she may be interested and and give her your three items to try on. What can she say after all you’re trying to help. Continue this process until she gets tired. 

Then, being a supportive help mate, you suggest you head for the nearest sports bar and gets some lunch and recuperate.

You have been a good helpmate, avoided the chair, enjoyed lunch and a drink at a sports bar and can get home in time to catch football, basketball or baseball orwhatever.  

Congratulations!