To Shop or Not To Shop

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As promised in “The Chair” I would address shopping with the love of your life.  First, you need to understand that the verb “to shop ” has two definitions, a male definition and a female definition. 

For the male,  “to shop” is to go to a store to obtain a specific item, and once he has that item to return home.

For the female, “to shop” is an end in itself.  If you ask what the object is for which she is shopping she will give you an answer.  But, be aware that the answer has absolutely no relationship to her shopping.  It is best that you not attend these shopping expeditions with her.  Sadly, this is not a choice you will be offered explicitly or implicitly.  To survive you must not question any of her actions or answer any of her questions for to do so would prove to her that you were an insensitive ignoramus.

Please accompany me on what would be a typical shopping expedition.  Being a good male companion you have determined she is a size 8 and presume since she is in the skirt department she is shopping for a skirt.  The racks are arranged by size and by items on sale.  Where does she go but to the rack that has sizes 2 to 6.  ( I once asked why she was looking for a size 8  on a rack that started with size 12.  To which she responded         “ they might have a style I like.”)

Next we went to the “sale” racks.  We went right past the size 8’s through the rest of the rack including items tailored by Columbus Tent and Awning.  Finally after looking through all the skirt racks, the dress racks and the slack racks she found a skirt she liked.  My heart leapt with joy as I prepared to leave.  

Alas, there was more shopping to do.  It was explained to me that she now needed:

  • a blouse to go with the skirt, 
  • a jacket to go with the skirt and the blouse, 
  • shoes to go with the skirt, blouse, and jacket, 
  • a handbag to go with  the skirt, blouse, jacket, shoes, 
  • A belt to go with the skirt, the blouse, the jacket, the shoes, and
  • a necklace and ear rings to finish off her ensemble.  Of course in each department we had to visit all the racks including the sale racks.

Adding insult to injury, as an act of chivalry, I was expected to carry all the packages back to the car.  Exhausted I schlumped along completely confused and in a shopping daze.

I’m exhausted just relating this to you.  I caution that this is the way it goes whether it is shopping for a skirt or a car.  The only salvation for this situation is to follow the guidance put forth in “The Chair”.  Good luck, until next blog when I address questions posed by your loved one for you to answer.

 

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