I had the yearning the other day for Cheerios. It was a breakfast I prepared for myself as a child everyday. So, I thought; I’m am adult and I have a car I can drive and get me a box of cheerios.
I need to explain that I normally have a brand of granola that I also love but purchase online. That is important because I cannot remember the last time I was down the cereal isle.
When I get to the store, my first choice: Hot or Cold cereal. That’s easy “cold”. I reach the isle labeled cereals/cold and turn to find the cereal isle which use to be as long as my arms could reach now runs the length of the store. I don’t recognize any of the varieties so far and the ones I do recognize also have choices: cinnamon flavored, chocolate flavored, with berries, with bananas, sugar coated, honey coated.
Sudden, there is the Cheerios section with those little dougnuts of oatie goodness. But wait, those are not “O”‘s. They are shaped like hearts and flavored. Finally, all alone on the bottom shelf, at the end of the bottom shelf are the “real” Cheerios.
Clutching my box of Cheerios to my chest I head for the check-out when I get a text from my wife that we need eggs. I head for the isle labeled dairy products (don’t get me started as to why the eggs are in that isle). And there, before me is a half an Isle of eggs. We can have small, medium, large or extra large eggs. We can also have eggs laid by vegetarians, We can have eggs for hens that are cageless. We can have organic eggs. We can have eggs from multiple “egg” farms.
I carefully put my Cheerios down so I can text my wife for a clarifiction.
“I’m in the dairy isle with the eggs. Which eggs do you want?” I ask.
“Really?” she asks with a “what in the hell is wrong with you” tone.
“Small, medium, large, extra large?”
“Large” unless they are too expensive.
“Regular or vegetarian?”
“What is wrong with you?” she asks. “What difference does it make?’
“I don’t want to bring the wrong ones and have to return them.”
“Just get the regular.”
“OK! Caged or cageless?”
“Are you drinking?”
“No, I’m just getting eggs for you.” By the way, “organic or no medications?”
“Just get the cheapest.” she says.
“Then, which brand?” I ask.
“It doesn’t matter”.
“You mean to tell me that we went through all this, and your telling me an egg is just an egg?”
So, I grab a dozen eggs and hit the check-out.
“Self Check-out or regular?”
I look at all the old people asking for help to self check-out and decide to do “regular”.
The young lady rings me up and asks “paper or plastic”?
I say “paper” just to be obstinate.
The screen asks “cash, debit, or credit?”
I threw the cash on the counter, grabbed my eggs and left.
At home, I hand my wife the eggs and she asks, “Where are the Cheerios?”
I walk to the kitchen snarling “I chose to have a beer instead”.